Well, this week they got painted. I used an aged painting technique where you paint a few colors underneath first, then rub a few spots that you want to show through the topcoat with soap before you paint over the whole thing. Then, you rub the spots you put the soap on with sandpaper to bring the colors through, making it look like it's old and the paint has chipped and it has been painted several times. I bought Martha Stewart sample paints for a dollar each for my underneath colors which worked really well.
I also wiped it down with a grayish stain mixture that my mom gave me to make it look a little more imperfect. After I finished, I stood back, took a proud look, and posted the set back on Craigslist. It's still too girly. I think it's the table--square might be better.